Ming Dynasty Fables
Happy Birthday Zhenyang, Signs YOU are getting old
September 19, 2009

After going hiatus for almost 2 months(or was it more?) due to really hectic and busy schedule that involves alot of shouting and screaming, I'm back! Well, just temporarily though. Anyway, my purpose is simply to wish Zhenyang a Happy Birthday. So let's make it a big one k? Recite it with me.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZHENYANG!!!!!!!!!


Oh yea Zhenyang's 19 hehe, this means, it's the last year of his teens. Haiz, we're all getting old and I just don't like it. It means we're one year closer to our death. Hmm, I know people who always say "I am still young at heart", I have one advice for them-Stop lying to yourself. Just admit it and carry on with whatever's left of our lives. However, some people genuinely do not know it when they're getting old. For people like them, I've tips for you, and here it goes...

Signs that YOU are getting old

1) You constantly look for longest lasting black hair dye in NTUC Fairprice

2) You keep saying "Last time... Last time... Last time..."

3) You tell those that are younger than you, " Now NS so shiok, in my time the food cannot eat one"

4) YOu wonder what Jay Chou is mumbling all the time.

5) You wear flowery blouses (females only)

6) You spam the flush button on the urinal the entire time you're peeing (males only)

7) You buy 20+ 4D tickets each draw

8) Somebody offers you a seat on SBS Transit.

9) And before you sit down, must piak piak piak the seat 3-5 times before you sit.

10) What is paste-pook?

11) You have good friend called LEE.

12) You have hair coming out from your mole.

Note: This list is inexhaustive, you may not have the above symptoms but you may still be getting old.



So to my friend Zhenyang, I hope you do not have the above symptoms. If you do, it means you're getting old at the age of 19, which also means I gotta worry too.

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How to minimize chances of contracting H1N1?
July 14, 2009

We all know that H1N1 has been affecting everybody's lives. It's super duper pek cek to be forced to take your temperature everyday when you know you are feeling well. The authorities call it a standard procedure which we must follow but actually we know it does little to help reduce the effects. Just look at the continously rising numbers! So here's what I feel we can do to reduce H1N1 contraction...

1) Practice Good Hygiene!

Always remember to cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough. Please do not be like some bastard sitting behind my friend while watching Transformers 2 who cough throughout the entire movie, which resulted in a 39 degree fever. Heck, to ensure that your mouth is always covered, just wear a mask lah. Then no matter what your mouth is always covered, you can breathe back your own germs for all I care.

2) Maintain Good Health!

This is it! With good health, bye bye to H1N1. With H1N1, bye bye to good health. This is the time to petition for later school starting times because of lack of sleep. Use the reason that lack of sleep will result in poor health which MAY result in H1N1 contraction. Come on everyone, our time has come!

3) Avoid Social Contact!

Social responsibility is of utmost importance in containing this contagious flu virus. It's perfectly ok to be a paranoid and stay home because you coughed once in the morning or you have a running nose. Better be safe than sorry right? Also if you have pregnant ladies or little kids or senior citizens above 65, please ask them to leave the house cuz they're most vulnerable to the disease. Have them kept inside the safe to ensure that their health is well taken care of. Be sure to provide them with food though, for they may starve to death.

4) Seek Medical Assistance!

This is most important of all! If you're sick go see a doctor immediately. Do not go to work. Do not go to school. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Just stay at home and wait until you recovered. 1 week break is good for anybody to rejuvenate and be back with a bang!




Note: If you are refering to this post for a project, please only mind the ones in non-italic. The rest are thoughtless ramblings.

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How to correctly recognise a Singaporean Driver.
May 30, 2009

Recently I'm trying to learn a new skill- DRIVING!!! Yup and it's really really fun. Well it is dependent on a couple of factors which I shall not go on elaborating because it's pointless and redundant. The main thing is, while I was learning, I realised many Uniquely Singaporean acts that only Uniquely Singaporean Drivers will do. So the question here is,

How do you correctly recognise a Singaporean Driver?

1) Everytime you park your vehicle, you only know how reverse parking cuz your instructor never teach head-in parking.

2) You dunno how to drive manual cars, because right now all the cars are auto one. (except a few exceptions like some taxis and class 4 vehicles)

3) You can hear "kn*b**b" and "fu*k lah" in the vehicles whenever something happened on the road.

4) The thing is, once windows open, all humji no balls to scold out loud liao.

5) Car plates with S** *****, 99% Singaporean driver cuz if foreigners buy Singapore cars abit waste money, the car too expensive liao.

6) Cuz you got money to buy car, no money to pay for COE :(

7) You park beside the famous huge monument in Singapore called ERP Gantries at 959am

8) You want to try your luck at the 3-times-a-week 4D lottery with your car plate number.

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Interesting Headlines
April 26, 2009

I chanced upon these headlines while randomly surfing the net. Let's have a good laugh at these.

1) Miners refuse to work after death.

Wah, employers want their workers to keep on digging as a zombie, jumping here and there and mining the gold that they want ah?

2) Include your children when baking cookies.

To bake cookie monsters!

3) Milk drinkers are turning to powder.

Wah world population will decrease alot leh.

4) Drunkard gets 9 months in Violin case.

I rather spend 2 yrs in jail dude.

5) Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years.

DUH!

6) Policeman help Dog bite victim.

I have no idea why.

7) Police determined to run down jaywalkers.

My friends, do not die in vain.

8) New rules for heavier balls to slow down male tennis players.

Can change one meh?

9) Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents.

OMG! ANOTHER OPERATION NEEDED?!?!

10) Grandmother of 8 makes hole in one.

Octoplets?




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Curious thoughts on Qing Ming
April 12, 2009

Qing Ming is the time of the year where everyone pays respects to their parents/grandparents who have passed on to the nether world. This is also a time to think about the past where they still exist and reignite those memories of the past. On top of that, there is a custom that is always practised-the burning of kim zuas as offerings. As I watched the offerings being burned, I can't help but think of the following scenarios.

1) How will they receive the money we sent to them? By appearing in front of them, by depositing in their bank account, or perhaps there's a system that will send them an email stating "You have received ************ dollars, please click "OK" to accept".

2) There are so many different patterns of hell currency. Do they exercise foreign exchange also?

3) Inflation has set in since who knows when in our world. Judging at the money we burn, eg. 1 000 000 000 hell dollars per note, I think inflation is worse off there. Time has gone where burning 2 dollars or 50 dollars help anymore. Or maybe it might work given point 2.

4) Many people have been burning handphones for their ancestors. However, is there a telecommunication company down there? If we burn a telecom company building for our ancestors, won't they make it big faster?

5) Let's say a kim zua store gets into a fire disaster? Where do all the money go to? Cuz there's no direction and it's not for anybody already, but money can't disappear like that. Perhaps it'll drop down from the sky and everyone can pick it up.

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Communication Classes for Parents
March 22, 2009

My apologies for the late reply. As I promised to you (you know who u r), here's the updated blog entries upon return from overseas.

Not long ago, I was in a train minding my own business in the MRT. I noticed a secondary school student sitting in the seat opposite me and he was with his mum. As I do not have headphones nor earpieces hanging all around my body and head, I was able to catch their conversation. Please do not sue me for eavesdropping, they were rather loud.

Son: I heard from my friend that the IT fair had some good prices on the laptops.

Mum: What do you want a laptop for? To play games right?

Son: No, sometimes I need it for school work. With a laptop it's more convenient.

Mum: You want me to buy that for you, you better go and buck up on your studies. You give me the results I want, then I'll buy it for you.

(Son rolls his eyes and stopped the conversation)

Nowadays, parents are complaining that children nowadays are getting harder and harder to control and communicate with. I believe the child may be at fault, but definitely not 100%. Given that kind of tone and attitude the mother talks to the son in the above scenario, parents are at fault too. Let's see how we can change it.

Son: I heard from my friend that the IT fair had some good prices on the laptops.

Mum: Really? But why do you need a laptop?

Son: Sometimes I need it for school work. With a laptop it's more convenient.

Mum: I do not have the money to buy for you. When I strike Toto and you show improvement in your schoolwork, then I'll get it for you.

(Son laughs and ends the conversation)

Now doesn't that sound better than the former one?

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上梁不正下梁歪


Everyone has been saying that youngsters nowadays are getting more and more ill-mannered. They are also getting very self-centered and many middle-aged to senior citizens are disgusted at some of the actions that they do, such as making alot of noise in public etc etc. However, consider the cases below.

1) A middle-aged lady 'chop' the table with a packet of tissue paper.

2) A 14-year-old boy was having lunch at a food court, next to the duck rice stall. A middle-aged man came by and placed his stuff on the boy's table and proceeded to make his orders at the duck rice stall.

3) 2 teenagers are sitting at a table for 4 at a coffeeshop, pondering over what to get for their lunch. Without a word, an old man approached their table with a bowl of noodles and sat down in the seat beside them and starting having his meal on their table.

4) A family of 4 was at a coffeeshop. Father went to the chicken rice stall to place their orders and Mother went to buy drinks. There were only 4 chairs at the table and two kids, aged 5 and 9, were at the table. Out of nowhere, a middle-aged lady came by and took the remaining two chairs meant for Father and Mother and placed it at her table, without saying a word.

How often do you see the above cases happening? Now let's consider the following cases.

1) The MRT is full, at least all the seats are occupied. A lady with white hair entered the train. Within 2 mins, a boy who was with his group of friends offered his seat to the lady.

2) In the coffeeshop, there aren't enough seats for a teenager's family. He went over to a table and asked politely whether the seats are occupied before taking them away.

3) A primary school boy holding the lift door open so that the man in suit 10m away from the door can enter.

Now how often do you see these cases happening? So by saying youngsters are turning from bad to worse, we can draw the conclusion that everyone is equally bad.

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HM's Final 23 Hours
January 8, 2009

So it's come to this. My final 23 hours... So it's come to this. My final 23 hours... Yea so it's come to this. My final 23 hours... Ok it's come to this. My final 23 hours... Ok why the hell am i repeating myself? Ok this is final. It has come to this. My final 23 hours... Then it'll be another life in the other world. It'll be tough, but I'll come out alive that's for sure. Here are things I want to do in my final 23 hours...

1) Live the life of a human
2) Spam smses
3) Use the computer whenever possible
4) Tell my loved ones I love them (sounds like I'm gonna die)
5) And make sure they say they love me too
6) Otherwise I may just lose all hope there
7) Laugh at those who went in earlier than me, I'm still civillian for 23 hours
8) Save the world
9) Make a movie "HM's Final 23 hours- HM Changes the World"
10) Pray that the toilet escapee is caught.

To survive the life 23 hours from now, I would need a very important virtue. Let's take a new lesson now shall we?

The lesson is on... ...

Yea it's on courage. And now I have the courage the jump off the building and fly. Look at the spoon and make it bend. I can try to teleport instantly back home whenever I want instead of travelling the long bus ride. YUP, cuz I have the courage to do things which can't possibly work. And with courage, it WILL work. If you have any dreams, just have this virtue and you'll find yourself living in outer space. 加油 to everyone.

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OMGWTFBBQEMOPSC!!!
December 30, 2008

Hey everyone! Today's a special day and it'll only happen once in your lifetime. Yup you've guessed right, today's 30th Dec 2008 and it'll only happen once. In fact there's an additional bonus to today. Today is BBQ's 16th birthday!!

So let's start off by explaining my title. PSC stands for Pang Seh Champion and the rest is pretty self-explanatory. Ok next.

Hmm so who/what/why/where/when/how is BBQ?

WHO?

This is BBQ, the one beside me. (Image pending... ...)

WHAT?

Ermm, Human? What else u wanna know?

WHY?

Why PSC ah? Simply because he isn't allowed to so we should stop accusing him of that already. Not exactly very fair to him leh. He always wants to join us de, just that.. haiz you know I know we all know can already. Some stuff are much better left unsaid.

WHERE?

Where is he now? How the hell would I know? Maybe at PASIR RIS? Or TAMPINES? Or Simei? Or Tanah Merah? Or Bedok? Or Kembangan? Or Eunos? Or Paya Lebar? Or ALJUNIED? Or KALLANG? Or Lavender? Or Bugis? Or City Hall? Or Raffles Place? Or Tanjong Pagar? Or Outram Park? Or Tiong Bahru? Or Redhill? Or Queenstown? Or Commonwealth? Or BUONA VISTA? Or Dover? Or Clementi? Or Jurong East? Or Lakeside? Or Boon Lay? Only he knows...

WHEN?

Happy Birthday My Friend!

HOW?

He's fine, if Kia Bor or me doesn't go kajiao him.


P.S: Some stuff are better left in encoded. That's if you are able to decode the above message, which won't be easy because I left decoys.

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The 3 Factions.


Once upon a time, in a small room in Pasir Ris. There lived a group of people who were or are under the organization VJCO. VJCO has 3 distinct factions inside the room. Let me describe the 3 groups of people to you. Oh before I forget, I must stress that there are only around 15 person in the room.

1) The Youth Outdoor Faction - Consist of people who are not policy makers in VJCO. Mainly, in fact all of them are 17 year old guys. They enjoy having a good chat over a game of bowling or walking around the area. They have minimal interaction with The Outdoor Faction.

2) The Outdoor Faction - Consists of people who were ex-policy makers but have retired from the organization. Their ages vary from 18-20 and have a mixture of guys are girls. They tend to stick with each other and explored the most of the area during the 3 days. They have minimal interaction with The Youth Outdoor Faction.

3) The Indoor Faction - Consists of current policy makers. As their name suggests, they were rarely seen in public during these 3 days as their appearance might pose a danger to their lives. After all, they ARE the policy makers in VJCO. They had minimal interaction with The Outdoor Faction and good interaction with The Youth Outdoor Faction.

As you can see, there are 3 distinct factions in a group of around 15 people. Members of The Outdoor Faction tried to get invovled (TTGI) with other people but sadly, there was no positive response to their TTGI gestures. As such I hereby conclude that while the usual gesture of TTGI will always get mocked at, in some cases, it's worse.

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Ming Dynasty Fables
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    The content does not reflect the true opinion of the writer and all resemblance to any event or person is strictly coincidental.
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